Thursday, October 6, 2011

I'm Not Dumb

So many days I live like I don't have a purpose. I go through the motions with no passion. Then I see someone who is totally committed to a cause and I wonder, what is it that makes me passionate? What inspires me? What cause would I give my life for?

God has placed a call on my life. He has shown me His heart for broken and lost people and His passion has become mine. The passion I saw in His eyes started a flame in my heart. God has given me a voice. He has given it to me so that I can help other people find theirs. I am called to break the chains of silence, to help people find their voices. God has been teaching me how to use the voice He has blessed me with. That's kind of been the theme of my life this past year. So many times in my life I've chosen to be silent, I've believed the lie that my words weren't valuable or worth listening to.

God gave me a word last fall through dear Papa Sam (one of the leaders of YWAM in India). He told me 3 truths about who I am. One of those truths was simply that God has not made me dumb. Confusing right? I didn't understand why God would say this at first because I've never really thought of myself as a dumb person. all made sense when I looked up the definition of dumb. Here is what the dictionary says about dumb: mute, unable to speak, lacking the power of speech. Haha :) God was telling me that He has given me the ability to speak. I shouldn't live like I don't have anything to say. That is one of the truths God has given me and I have to daily choose to live like it is true.

6 "Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." 7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say,'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever i command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. 9 Then the LORD reached our his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now I have put my words in your mouth."

Learning to Breathe

I decided to start fresh with a new blog for this new season of my life! I plan on writing about what God has been speaking to me, and hopefully it can be an encouragement to you. :)

I'm at college now, for those of you who were unaware. I'm going to Northwest University up in Kirkland, WA. I just finished up my 3rd week of classes. At this point it has been challenging, which is a good thing, and it has also been lots of fun! I have a roommate, her names is Ruth, she is 21 and more mature than most freshmen (which makes me very happy!). We get along well, though we are very different in many ways....I guess the way we figured it is, she is a lot like my older brother Preston, and I'm very similar to her younger sister Julia. So, we know how to deal with/live with each other. :)

I've been going to The City Church here in Kirkland, which is the church Judah Smith is the pastor of! I love it there but it's huge and I'm not really used to that. I've also been going to a Sunday night service here on campus, called El Camino. It's soooo good! I've really gotten a lot out of that service! This past week during the worship time I had an amazing moment of hearing God speak to me. The past couple weeks I'd been in a place of asking God why I had to suffer through certain things, it's like I was telling God it wasn't fair that I had to go through so much. That night we sang a song that talked about Jesus hanging on the cross and taking everything upon Himself. As I sang those words with my eyes closed, I saw Jesus' eyes. It's like He looked in my eyes and said, "It's all gonna be okay. Trust me, I know." In that moment I realized He knows what it's like to truly suffer. I realized how selfish I'd been to complain about the little suffering I'm going through. It was a good encouragement for me to push through and trust that God will not leave me here alone. It also helped me take my eyes off myself, and I've been able to see that I'm really not alone, there are lots of people around me that are really suffering! I think that one of the big things Satan tries to do is get us to feel sorry for ourselves. I've been working on listening to the Truth, (what God says) instead of the lies Satan tries to make me believe.

Well, I have homework to do, this was a nice break for me but I really should get back to my studying now....I hope to be writing on here quite often. I think it helps me process things.



"Because God is love, we do not discover God through our experience of love, but we discover love through our experience of God." -anonymous

Saturday, July 16, 2011

This summer has been amazing so far! I love my job! Nothing compares to laying under the stars, in my warm sleeping bag, after a day full of rafting and rock climbing, with a belly full of good food and a song in my head. I love being on the river. A couple weeks ago we had a trip called G.I.T. (guide in training) and it's for 16-17 year olds who want to get an idea of what it's like to be a guide. We had three young guys come with us for a week of rafting, hiking, rappelling, and rock climbing. They were all challenged by everything from sleeping under the stars, to rappelling ("walking backwards off a 100 ft cliff ":) They also got share their testimonies and learn about how we do ministry. It was a good week and I loved being able to see them grow! I also got to face some of my fears....I jumped off a 40 ft rock into water and learned lots about leadership! We were out on 4 trips this past week and had a lot of fun.
We have two foster kids living with us right now! There's a 7 month old boy and a 4 year old girl :) They are really sweet.
The summer is going by really fast, I can't believe I'll be heading to college in less than 40 days...

Monday, June 6, 2011

Summer is here! Just finished up the first week of work :) We've been moving all our equipment into a new warehouse here in Prineville and getting stuff organized. We had guide training this past weekend and some wonderful weather and fellowship! It was so good to see Rosie and Tyler, and all the rest of the Discovery family who could make it. I was not nearly as intimidated as last year....I was actually more worried about leading worship than hitting Oak Springs (the big class 4). We have today off, then we get to do training for our multi-day trips tomorrow through Thursday. I'm really excited about this summer and everything I get to learn! Me and Alicia are the only summer staffers this year (we had 6 last year), so it's going to be a lot more stretching for us, as we are going to have to step up into leadership a lot more.
God has really been speaking to me the past couple days about intimidation/fear and how I need to not let it hold me back. I can think of so many things that I have missed out on (almost daily) because of intimidation! And I'm learning that true peace comes with obedience not avoidance. Please pray for me as I am going to be very busy this summer and need to learn to let God fill me up.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Wow, it's been an amazing couple days! I just got back from Women's Retreat yesterday. It was exhausting, but totally worth it. I got to help lead worship and also speak a bit about worship and what God has been teaching me. It was quite a battle for me to be up there and It was especially stretched when Jen, the worship leader, lost her voice and Elizabeth and I had to do quite a bit more singing than we were planning on...but God really worked it out and we all grew through that experience. :)God has been speaking to me a lot about direction for the future, and He has been giving me dreams that are bigger than the ones I have for myself. Haha! He even used one of the women at retreat to confirm to me that that dream is from Him. He is so good! I also had a lady prophecy over me and what she said was right on with what God has been speaking to me. It's so amazing to me that God can speak to us in so many ways. I've had so many opportunities to share with people what God has done in my life through YWAM and I know a lot of young people who are very interested in doing a DTS! I had a job interview with Discovery Outfitters (Which is now Peak7) about two weeks back and they hired me! Hooray!!! It's going to be another amazing, extremely stretching, wonderful summer on the river! And they are now based out of Prineville, so I get to be closer to my family. It's going to be very different that last summer and I'm so excited to see what God is going to do! I start working on May 30th. I've also been accepted at Northwest University in Kirkland, WA! I'm going to be heading up there in August where I'll be studying Nursing. One of the big reasons I chose NU is because of their emphasis on cross-cultural nursing. That's exactly what I want to do, and I'm excited that all of their professors have experience in international medical work! They even require that all seniors spend a month in a cross-cultural setting that integrates faith and nursing. I'm really excited about the next couple months, there's going to be a lot of new things happening and it's all going to be quite an adventure :)I just want to leave you with something I read that has really stuck with me:"We need to develop and nurture a passion, a hunger, a thirst, a longing, a love for the delight and thrilling enjoyment of walking day-by-day with our King and beholding His beauty and goodness which is found in the face of Jesus Christ."

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I'm home! Well, I have been for about 3 weeks now :) It's taking me some time to get used to being here, but I know it's where I'm supposed to me for now. God is opening so many doors for me here in Prineville. I just wanted to give more details from outreach and some things God has been teaching me. I've been reading over my journal and notes from the past 6 months and trying to process as much as I can. There's just so much that happened!
This is a list I made of some things God gave me through DTS:
An amazing YWAM family who love me
Three very close friends who I love soooo much and am so blessed to have in my life!!!
The freedom to be who He's called me to be
A voice to proclaim His name among the nations
He taught me what it means to love and be loved
Open eyes to see what He sees
A broken heart for people I didn't even love
A desire to read the Bible
A longing to hear His voice
An understanding of what it's really like to be a missionary
A heart to worship Him with reckless abandon
A better understanding of who He is
He taught me to listen to His voice of truth and not lies
A prayer language! And He replaced my fear with amazing peace
A hunger for more of Him
The desire to learn more about the world
He healed my heart from pain I'd been holding onto
He let me see how blessed I am
.....and so much more! YWAM truly has ruined me for the ordinary. I don't even have the desire to live an ordinary life.
I'm speaking about my trip for the 1st time tonight.
That's all for now but I'll try to write out some stories later :)

Saturday, February 12, 2011

We've been here in Jaipur for almost two weeks now. our ministry here is very different that it was in Hyderabad. We are mainly focused on a school where we get to teach and a slum that most of the kids come from. I love that we get to build relationships with the kids and their families :)
The YWAM staff here are amazing too!
I have so much more to say about India and these amazing people but that will have to wait. It's hard to explain what God's doing to my heart.... I don't know that I fully understand. All I know is that surrendering to Him is the most freeing thing you could do.
thanks to all who are praying!